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Earl Marshall

On Not Being A Pastor

On Sunday night I tweeted the following, “Tonight as I lay down the title of pastor, I pray that God will continue to create in me a shepherd’s heart.”  Most of us would like to think that our identity is not wrapped up in the various roles that we play.  The truth is that for most of us who we are is shaped to some extent by what we do.  I am a child of Christ and I am a child of Christ while I am a husband, father, pastor, leader, preacher, author, mentor, coach and friend.  All of this is intertwined into the person that I am.  So, it is no surprise that when Tuesday of this week rolled around and staff meeting was happening, that I felt a sense of loss and a wave uncertainty washed over me. I know that my life is defined by more than my senior leader role.  I know I am loved by God with an everlasting love.  I know all of that.  I believe all of that.  But when a transition of roles takes place there is a sense of loss because how these values and worth used to be exercised in my life has changed.

There is a sense of relief in knowing that I am not in a meeting tomorrow morning but there is also a sense of loss in knowing that I am not in a meeting tomorrow morning.  Let’s be honest most of us know how this feels.  If you have gone through any kind of transition in life this is exactly how you have felt.  So, while I am confident in the journey that God has for us, I am experiencing the funk of change.  Today was better, I spent some time with good friends who prayed for and over me.  I cherish this because I know they are sympathetic to my journey.

I imagine Sunday will be an interesting day!

1 Comment

  1. My friend,
    Thank you for setting the bar high in your integrity and love for your people. I have watched from a far grateful to God for you. May God lead you in paths of righteousness for His names sake!

    Bill Finch

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