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Earl Marshall

Cancer and Thanksgiving

This second round of chemotherapy has been much better than the first. I have felt much better overall but I am struggling with ongoing fatigue. Working, resting, walking is a normal routine for me, all under a careful watch to see how my body is reacting. For the most part things are going well. I did lose my hair. Just before I received round 2 I noticed that my hair was starting to fall out so I just went ahead and got it all shaved off. I was grateful that as my barber said, “I have the right shape of head for the bald look,” who knew?

I continue to struggle with purpose and feeling useful. There are times when I just feel like I am on the bench waiting to get back into the game. This really came into focus when I was not able to be at church or with family on Easter weekend. That was much more difficult than I imagined. I am growing in my appreciation of being with my church family. I am thankful for those who have visited and stayed in touch during my treatment weeks. The ability to be with those I care about and share in a love for Jesus Christ with is a blessed privilege. When it is taken away from you, you realize just how important it is.

In the midst of the emotional waves of ups and downs I am finding myself thankful. It is hard to explain mostly because I know this is not a me thing but a Spirit of God work in my life. On one of my walks this past week I was struck with just being thankful for what God is doing in me while I struggle with enduring in the midst of suffering. So, for the thanksgiving God has placed in my heart I boast in my suffering knowing that God is producing endurance and endurance is producing character and character is developing home (Romans 5:3-5).

Round 3 begins next Monday.

1 Comment

  1. Earl
    From my experience I have to tell you that some days you may find that your main purpose that day is to just endure…the rest of that day and a few more until you feel more “human”. It is difficult to realize that we have to give up control of our bodies when we are so use to being independant. This is when it’s God that’s in control and you have to lean on Him.
    As for feeling useful..you are being used by the Lord right here, right now on this blog and will be in the future to anyone you encounter who may have to travel down a similar road.
    But on those days when you suffer from “chemo brain” don’t struggle with trying to figure out anything at all, just curl up in the palm of His hand and know that “you are loved”!

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