On May 4 I realized that I was starting to feel sorry for myself. It was amazing how a little thing like tingling in my finger tips set me off and got me thinking about the worst. I so needed 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 that morning and it is what God gave me for my daily meditation.

So we do not lose heart! There should be no give up or a discouragement that leads to stopping. This is the same idea that Jesus speaks to his disciples about prayer in Luke 18:1. We all have a tendency to get discouraged and give up. There is room for lament for sure. Lament is necessary. But even though our outer self is wasting away and indeed that is happening, to all of us and at different timetables, the question is, “is my inner self being renewed day by day?” Is the outer man so much of my focus that my inner man is not being renewed? There are these moments where I am realizing that the circumstances just take over. How do I see my inner soul renewed every day even when cancer and this treatment seems all pervasive?

I have to recategorize the cancer. It is a light and momentary affliction. Note first that it is an affliction. I am not saying I should ignore the affliction. It is a suffering that does not always feel light nor does it always seem to be momentary. Yet this is how the Apostle Paul categorizes his sufferings. The only way I can recategorize cancer like this is if I see the purpose behind it and the result of it.

I need a reason for my suffering. It is preparing. That word means to have an effort by labour or to achieve. It is used in passages like Romans 4:15; Romans 5:3; 2 Corinthians 7:10; 2 Corinthians 9:11; James 1:3. There is a reason for my suffering, for my cancer, and it has to do with preparation. I want to be careful here to not be so trite with suffering. This is not a “suck it up buttercup” statement. Suffering is painful, long, hard and recategorizing it and seeing a reason to it does not negate the pain. It is the miracle of God, however, to be able to experience purpose in the midst of the pain, to experience joy and trust in suffering.

The reason of preparation is a result, an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. This light and momentary affliction is preparing this result. We enter the kingdom of God through suffering. In comparison to the eternal weight of glory my cancer and suffering is a light and momentary affliction. There is no comparison to glory. Again, we enter the kingdom of God through suffering. The glory of the kingdom shines bright. Revelation 21 and 22 is so triumphant that it is beyond words. The image of the lamb shining the glory of God into every corner of the eternal city is too much to comprehend. It is crazy amazing!

Now all of this is not automatic. Just because someone is suffering does not mean that it will automatically produce this result. There is a note of faithfulness in these verses. There is a response that is necessary. How I see is the difference. What my mind and heart are focused on is what is important. We look not at the things that are transient or momentary but on the things that are eternal. So in the midst of the pain and suffering we are called upon to focus our attention not on the momentary but the eternal. My mind and heart need to be focused on the things that God is doing for me now and in the future that are eternal. Things like shaping my character and making me more like his Son and my eternal rest. All of these are motivation to see these verses true in my life.

It comes down to an affirmation of priority – what is of greatest value and what I believe is most important. This is how my inner self is being renewed day by day.